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Recently, my esteemed husband went on a one-day pilgrimage to Częstochowa. A friend of a lady from the fraternity of St. Michał Archangel, she sent me a “shorts”, commonly known as an invitation sms, so I booked two places and we went. It was on this very day that the first Saturday of the month was and the teachers’ pilgrimage to Częstochowa. I decided that this was not a coincidence. Because I just quit my teaching profession. By the way, for several months now, Archangel Michael has been accompanying my thoughts and prayers regarding changes in my professional life. I found that after such an extremely eventful year, it is worth going to Our Lady of Częstochowa in the company of the first warrior among the archangels who put himself up to the evil spirit. To bring her and God a bouquet of our sighs and reflections for thanksgiving.
I held on bravely all day. I feel at home there. Each stone and step, an inch of the floor as if mine and all its own. The crowd did not bother me, the heat did not bother me. We bravely and bravely endured the hardships of the pilgrimage. Bearing our and not our intentions, we continued in prayer, singing, praise and peace. The celebration was organized on the spot. It was dignified, solemn and cheerful, because a nice band called “Laetare” was invited. It was quite nice and bearable, without much emotion, except for the deep levels of peace at the bottom of the soul. But it’s hard to call it emotions.
As part of the break between the Holy Mass. and the afternoon services we went for lunch and coffee. We were sitting in a nice place enjoying a frozen latte and tasty ice cream, when I saw a poster p.t. “Second Beksiński Exhibition”. Unique, yet unknown paintings from a private collection. I went. It was supposed to be half an hour.
I was stuck almost two hours before a dozen jobs. I received a blow to the heart, right and left hooks at once, straight to the brain. You cannot take pictures there, there are no reproductions or copies, no album with these works. So you have to go and see.
People walked in and out without spending more than 15 minutes in the paintings. It was stuffy and hot there, and the climate was not conducive to enjoying art. Nevertheless, I drowned in the author’s emotions and in mine. In my opinion, the outside temperature dropped to zero – I was so shocked by what I saw at this exhibition.
An additional factor that deepened the reception was the elegant middle-aged gentleman guarding the exhibition. A brave and brave man of art, who spent the whole day in this terrible sauna with Beksiński and protected him from the touch of both hands and flashlights.
Seeing that the exhibition finally made an impression on someone, he started to tell me where the paintings came from, to describe a bit Beksiński’s work, the painting technique (because this is what struck me the most when I came across the original). Usually, I avoid deeper conversations with strangers, and in the face of art, I get annoyed by guides and commentators. This man didn’t bother me at all. He really did talk to me about what we saw in the pictures. He drew my attention to the fact that none of them is protected by a glass or titled, none of them has a signature on the front or the date of creation (signed on the back of the paintings). That this was the wish of the owners of the works.
– No suggestion for interpretation? – I asked.
– You put it right. He replied.
This made me visit the exhibition across and along several times. The Lord discreetly followed me, probably making sure that I did not drown in the sea of colors (glued with my face to the paints, because I could bring my face closer to the painting by millimeters, and of course I did) or I did not run away from the exhibition with some torn angel under my arm. We exchanged a few sentences from time to time.
I chose three works that were to reflect my trip to Częstochowa. I called them “The Ripe Experience of Peace”, “The Sea of Hope” and “We Will Be Meat But There Is Something Else.” On the latter, when I was there, I even saw Christ.
Of course, I can’t include links or copies here. If anyone is in Częstochowa, have a look at the Art Center and guess which paintings I mean.
A cheat sheet of style for those who have not had the opportunity to meet the art of Zdzisław Beksiński – beksinski.eu. The image below opened the exhibition (source: beksinski.eu). This is the one I called “The Mature Experience of Peace”.
In addition, two works, probably depicting the crucifixion, made a great impression on me. Very similar, but slightly different. They hang side by side at the very end of the exhibition. Decay, wind, fragments of flesh growing into the wood, bones, some undefined fragments of mechanisms. Fluttering sheets of earth-colored materials, beneath which a lot of details are spilled, indicating the passing away. But I also saw an eternity in it, in which the existence of matter seems to be an illusion or just a stage of duration. At first, I was even outraged at how such a motif could be painted (as far as Beksiński meant it). But then, when I looked at these two pictures in the twentieth minute, I thought (felt?) That it was a picture of my own soul. As if I had to come here from this Jasna Góra Monastery to understand it. Something must pass, fall apart. Fly away. Only then may there be a chance for a resurrection.
After leaving the exhibition, we made our way back up to the monastery. I was shocked, torn – here Jasna Góra, there in my soul and memory images of emotions and images of Beksiński. Hell and Heaven in one short reflection.
We walked around the walls of the monastery waiting for the hour of evening services (the afternoon services were arranged by Mr. Beksiński). Throughout the day, I couldn’t get near the painting of the Mother of God, because the crowd was constantly moving around the chapel. I decided to try it for the last time. I even managed to get quite close to the painting, when the chapel’s gate was closed for the evening. The last service with prayers dedicated to Mary and Archangel Michael has begun.
The first time I was “on this side” of the painting. In the past, due to the functions I performed in the Polish Scouting Association, I visited Częstochowa regularly every year on the occasion of handing over the Bethlehem Light of Peace. So I had the privilege of leading the vigils as close as possible. To this day, I remember how with the seminarians and scout instructors we were singing and praying while sitting with the guitars on the stairs under the painting. Now I did not see him up close or far. The crowd in the chapel was so large that I couldn’t move. Squeezed into a corner by the side altar, I had no way of turning back. We had to wait until the end of the Jasna Góra Appeal. So I gave up and was immersed in meditation led by the priest and the brotherhood of Michael the Archangel. It’s actually what I came there for.
The time came when the organist played the melody of the Appeal. It started with the singing of “The Mother of God”.
I was looking at people. Tired, weary women, almost sleeping children, men immersed in meditation, old men dozing on their pews … young and old, healthy and sick, all of them suddenly stood up and sang the song in such a powerful, extremely deep tone that I couldn’t stand it and cried.
I was overwhelmed with emotion. I fell on my knees, unable to utter a word. I could only listen to this singing, this strong prayer that is sung in the Polish lands, on the battlefields, in churches, in moments of terror and thanksgiving in many moments of our country’s history.
This is my country, my homeland, and I could never leave it, I thought. Why was this the thought that occurred to me?
It’s hard to live here with us, it’s hard to achieve success, you have to work for it for a long time. The climate is not very warm, gray winters, people are lazy. I love Poland and Poles, but recently it’s hard for me to admit that you can feel really safe and stable in our country. These are the economic thoughts that occurred to me in the chapel of the Mother of Częstochowa.
But – I thought – as long as we remember about such songs, about thanking God and commending our country to His protection – we will be a wonderful country, a country of noble, brave and devoted people to Poland. And if not us, if we do not stay here to work for Poland, to give our talents and the hardships of life to her, then who will? What will remain of our homeland?
A strong experience, I suppose I can call it mystical-patriotic.
In the comparison “Jasna Góra – the art of Beksiński (a Pole) – Bogurodzica” it is difficult to find unambiguous connections. But on that day, these three symbols of Polish culture helped me see in full the meaning of the experiences that I participated in last year.
You sometimes have to come down or fall from the heavens to earth, discover a fragment of hell at the bottom of your own soul, to feel the real need to climb back up to heaven. And giving God all this despair, hopelessness, all these wounds, lost or still not won fights, problems that we cannot deal with on our own. He will take it, shoulder it, carry it on his cross to another mountain. Where with Him dies what is impermanent, illusory, unstable and the worst in our heart.
And perhaps we have enough hope and faith to wait for the miracle of the Resurrection. To experience life without fear and to go with him forever wherever he needs us.
Częstochowa did not disappoint me as usual. I feel at home there. Each stone and step, an inch of the floor as if mine and all its own. I have to go there once in a while to find my own home, my place here and now, where God put me. Someone (Confucius) once wrote that the farthest and most wonderful journeys are made by man in the depths of his own soul.
He told the truth. This one was one of the farthest in my life.
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