Only human

How many of us would like to be God or kings of life today? Who among us would not like everything we touch to bring you golden mountains of money or popularity, etc. Today we are still told: imitate God, be creative, create, create your reality! He says, even, shouting to us from everywhere: you are special, you are great, you are the winner! Success? All you have to do is want it! Money? Just wanting! Preachers preach: be perfect, be thirsty and the Lord will fulfill your desires. They call to be perfect. They challenge you to be like God. In extreme cases, he is called upon to perform miracles, of course in the name of Jesus. Because Jesus did that and in general you have to be like Jesus. Because then she will bring others to Jesus. What a wonderful, exciting prospect! Until the heart grows right? To be like God! That’s wonderful! To be light and salt like him, to participate in the salvation of the world and people!

Except that when I sit down to meditate, after a long while all my hypocrisy comes to light. My littleness, weakness and fragility. My indecision and my ignorance come out. Then all those bad thoughts about other people come out. Deceptive desires and desires come out. There is stupidity, falsehood and hypocrisy. There is a crack in my personality. Then all my sin comes out. From that moment on, I can cry out with the Psalmist, “Lord my sin is always before me.” Yes, my sin, Lord, is always before me. “Have mercy on me in your kindness.” And this petition is expressed in the call of “Jesus”, repeated with every inhale and exhalation.

Yes, I am only human. Of course, also as a human being, because it is connected with the dignity of a child of God, and with the divine breath of my life. Humanity is also the temple of God’s Spirit and God Himself in the deepest part of my heart. Still, it’s just humanity. Weak, fragile, full of falsehood, hypocrisy, hypocrisy and sin. Full of pride, lust and delusional desires. Full of selfishness, contempt not only for other people but also for God and himself. No, God is not at all in my life first. I have many idols. This is my humanity. For “my sin is always before me”.

When you sit there and look at everything that is in a person, you get frustrated, angry, angry, despairing, disagreeing with yourself. So much dung in me, and I thought I was on the right track. On the way to perfection, I thought I was following Jesus, but it turns out that I haven’t even made the first step towards it. I have never really entered this path before, it is far from me. I thought that I had dealt with many things a long time ago. In fact, I sit deep down to my ears in them. What now? Hell, damnation, despair, no hope for a man like me?

By no means! Because the Good Father says to a little man like me: despite everything, I love you. Jesus says to such a man: despite everything, I love you, I gave my life for you, so that you might live forever. Moreover, God seems to be saying: I like you. I like you the way you are. I even like this little man. No, I don’t like his sin, I despise him, but I like this man falling but also getting up and begging me for mercy.

Probably many of you dear readers will say now: okay, God loves you, so now you need to change. You must strive for excellence. Yes and no. Yes, because it is the natural and fundamental order of the law of love. To respond to love with love. And no, because you won’t be able to change anything by force, dear reader. Don’t strive for perfection. Don’t pursue divinity, just be human.

Accept yourself, your weaknesses and your… sins. No, that doesn’t mean you have to go along with them and commit them indiscriminately, but just don’t take guns against them that you don’t have. Because with what force will you attack the demon, the demon will attack you with such force, and maybe more. Be gentle, merciful and love yourself. This will be the first step to conversion and change. In one of the psychology lectures we were told about psychopathy. Psychopathy arises from damage to the human brain that is independent of the human being. That is, people made him like that, e.g. in the womb or during childbirth, or he had an accident. In other words, he had no influence on who he would be or what he would be capable of. The lecturer summarizing the topic said a beautiful sentence: “not everyone has the opportunity to be a good person,” therefore, there is nothing else for us but to love. Starting with yourself.

Arnold Beisser once said that “change in a person occurs when one becomes who he is, not when he tries to become what he is not.” This is called paradoxical theory of change. You are not God but human. So be human because only then are you able to bring others to Christ. A road strewn with people leads to God, not the other way around!

You know …? When I accepted myself, my sinfulness, my humanity, my breakdown, all this crap, I simply face the other person with more humility. I have no right to judge him or reject him. I have no right to lecture him, give him cheap advice. I have no right to feel a better person than him, just because I am a Christian, belong to the community and “contribute”. I can only, in my breakdown and crap, try to listen to him, understand and accept him as he is. And I fail every time. I’m delicious, selfish, boorish, boorish, and you’ve probably heard many more words about me, but you know what? At least I am not pretending to be more than human. And if so, please forgive me.

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