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Simple reasoning of an even simpler priest:
Each of us would have many reasons to say “thank you” and simply leave the Church, and as priests we probably have many more.
Each of us has experienced the difficulties of being in the Church, community, and perhaps we have resolved: never again.
Only that right after such thinking comes the question: what’s next, where will I go?
No, it is not helplessness and resignation. It’s not that I can’t dig, I’m ashamed to beg. In the difficulties that I have not lacked and have not lacked, I ask myself: what or better, who do you mean? Because when I am looking for myself, I will stumble over the corpse of Christ taken down from the cross. As long as I am looking for Him, I am at peace.
Why don’t I quit the priesthood? Simply because He wants me as a priest. Inept, sinful, doubting … but human with a beating heart. Not a rigid pole of moral principles, not a cassock or a kid looking to applaud him, but a man who knows that everything is grace.
Why don’t I quit the priesthood? For though I do not trust Him. God is both faithful and does not take back the Word given once. He gave me the Word that he would be with me, so where’s the problem? God withdraws the given Word once, forgets me? I can be calm because even when I am not faithful, He is faithful.
Why don’t I quit the priesthood? Because I gave the male Word to God, the Church, the Bishop. I have given my Word that I will serve. And what kind of servant is this, who sets conditions, demands something, discusses … A servant is a servant, he has surrendered himself into the hands of the Lord.
Why don’t I quit the priesthood? Because I owe it to the people entrusted to me and I have no right to kill their faith. When I have difficulties, I think of the priesthood like a simple man, without all that pumped up theology. I remember my first parish (and who does not remember my first love), when I was about to celebrate my first funeral and in the house of the deceased, the family fell on their knees in front of me, and they kissed my hand one by one. It also happens that an old woman, after confession, kisses the priest’s hand. Stupid superstition or faith in who a priest is? Second Christ, the Face of God … Sometimes in prayer I think of these people and learn to respect the priesthood. And one more dear person said to me: you do not criticize the priest, because he will forgive you your sins, and you cannot give him absolution. I will not give up the priesthood because I love this people, because I learn to love them and to look to Christ.
Why don’t I quit the priesthood? Because it’s just pride: I know better, I will criticize the bishop, the pope … Who am I to play such scrambled eggs … I … I … me? There is more than me, my private happiness, my ambitions … Either I mean Christ or I have already lost not only the priesthood, but also my life. I, a little man, follow the Great God, so I have to become little so that He would carry me … And so on to the end.
Why don’t I quit the priesthood? Because the Church has been bearing me with my faults and character for years. Since I’m not perfect, others have a right to do so too. I will not get anywhere myself, so I need a weak Church of weak people to remind myself that this is not about me at all …
Why don’t I quit the priesthood? I am aware of the power in his hands. By His power, I transform a piece of bread into the Body of Christ. With his power I free from sins. What power do I have in these hands! And what humility he has to devote himself completely to my priestly hands. Since God has entrusted myself completely to my hands, can I do anything more than entrust myself to His hands?
Why don’t I quit the priesthood? It is true that I carry the treasure in an earthenware and cracked vessel. There is a Japanese proverb that a cracked vessel should be glued together with gold. My broken priesthood is even more valuable. When was Christ the greatest and did his greatest work? When he couldn’t do anything, when he couldn’t say a word, he just bowed his head. When I am weak and cracked, He can finally work. I thank him for his weakness, because I know that only to him can I come for help.
I would have hundreds of reasons to quit the priesthood, but who will I go to, who will take me in and save me? Our help in the name of the Lord.
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