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Consideration for the 11th Sunday in Ordinary Time, year C2
The mercy of God is the first to extend his hand to me. Generosity and mad love for a sinner wounded by sin makes it sometimes hard to believe that I can be saved, free from the evil I have done. Responding to the improbable – come to me and you will be healed – with hope and disbelief, I go. My enemy tries to separate me from the source of life by trying to convince me that there is no place for me at the feet of Jesus. But I won’t let myself lie to him, because that’s where and for me there is a place.
There is a struggle within me. Struggling with my own sinfulness, the past, seeing the horror of evil and its effects around me and in me, leads to admitting, confessing, bringing them to the feet of Jesus, to His cross.
But mercy is not an automatic and unconditional grace. Without conversion and repentance it is impossible. It is the rebirth of a sinner from the ashes, from the dead – just as many sins weigh upon me, so grace will be poured out abundantly to wash them away.
“Whoever is forgiven loves more”.
Although it is impossible to put an arithmetic measure here, the amount of guilt is a relative term. For one, a trifle will be an abyss of evil, for another, a powerful sin will be like a trifle. Internal formation is important, sensitivity to the Decalogue, knowledge of the reality of the Kingdom of Heaven.
A man who stands in truth and sees his sins, calls them, repents, mourns his iniquity, his fall – is like a woman who washed Jesus’ feet with her tears.
A man who wants to make amends for what has been done, and to make amends for it in some way, is like the woman who anointed Jesus’ feet with oil.
And Jesus says, “Your sins are forgiven.”
This painful process of realizing one’s guilt ultimately leads to liberation from the shackles of evil. My indemnity is deleted, I am free.
It’s a great thing to be free with a clear conscience.
“Lord forgive me the guilt of my sin.”
This is how I feel after confession, when the blood of Christ washes the wounds with the sins brought to the confessional.
* The title is one of the lines in a poem by Boris Pasternak – Magdalena I
The photo comes from the website of Alessandro Calzolaro: https://www.flickr.com/photos/storvandre/with/6766249793/ it is a fragment of a painting by Reni Guido from 1617 in the collection of the National Gallery of Art in Bologna
http://www.pinacotecabologna.beniculturali.it/collezione/percorsi/percorsoEsp_A.php?IDSala=24&IDOpera=282#
MAGDALENA I
So night. Night with the demon has come.
Stupid youth is a payoff.
They will come – the scared heart knows –
Memories of the bad years.
A body cherished by men
I had no idea what I was losing.
I called the street home.
A dozen or so minutes are missing
And before the wait is over
For the silence of the grave, amidst the hustle and bustle,
As a sign of my adoration
My life, a cup of alabaster,
I break at Your feet, Lord.
Where would I not be now,
Teacher, Savior,
If she hadn’t been waiting at the table
Eternity like a client. Night has come.
The craft net tangled during the night
My lovers, still many new ones.
Explain to me what can be a sin
What the hell, death, sulfur fire.
This is for onlookers’ fun,
Like a branch to a tree,
I am with you – asking for comfort.
Jesus, if Your feet
On my knee comfort
And I will know your cross – the pain will pass?
Beams, two angular arms.
How – crazy – I will soothe my grief,
When bodies are going to be buried?
Translated by Dorota ChoĊcielewska
Sunday Considerations
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