20 Disruptive Behaviors In Collaboration With People

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Last week, as part of the #przebijsciane campaign, I discussed the topic of blockades that prevent us from achieving what we want – you can read about internal conflicts here. You can also watch the recording on YouTube or listen to it in the form of a podcast about internal conflicts.

You can also watch today’s material in the recording on youtube (video at the bottom of the article) and listen to it in the form of a podcast: here LINK or on Spotify, Itunes or Podcast Addict on Android.

Other people are in the way

Whenever I teach people to deal with resistance, two levels emerge: personal-internal and communication-external. Either our own dilemmas, fears or other people stand in the way of our goals. In the book “The Wall” ( www.przebijsciane.pl ) together with Wojtek Maroszek we write about how to dealing with the reluctance of others, here I want to touch on the topic of destructive behavior of other people, with which, if we cannot cope, it may be difficult for us to achieve our goals.

Marshall Goldsmith has compiled a very simple but extremely accurate list of 20 toxic, destructive behaviors, habits that not only make other people’s lives uncomfortable, but also make us lose our will, motivation and even sense of worth.

Let’s first look at what these behaviors Goldsmith described as 20 destructive habits are:

Win anyway : Need to win at all costs and in all circumstances.
Adding too much value : It takes a tremendous amount of money to put in your 3 cents in any discussion.
Judging: Need to judge others and put standards on them.
Giving destructive comments: Unnecessary sarcasm and sharp retorts that we think will make us witty.
Starting with “no”, “but”, “however”: Abusing those negative phrases that secretly tell everyone I’m right and you’re wrong.
Telling the world how smart we are: The need to show people that we are smarter than they think.
Talking in anger: Using aggressive emotions as a management tool.
Negative attitude or “Let me explain why this will fail”: Need to share a negative comment even when we are not asked to do so.
Information withholding : Deny sharing information in order to maintain an advantage over others.
Inappropriate recognition : Inability to adequately praise and reward.
Claiming merits that we don’t deserve: Instead of recognizing others’ contributions, showing how important our person is.
Excuses: The constant need to justify our annoying behavior so that others would forgive us.
Clinging to the past: Blaming the events and people of our past, blaming everyone else.
Favoring: Not recognizing that we are treating someone unfairly.
Not regretting: Inability to bear the blame for our actions, admit we were wrong, or know how our actions affect others.
Not listening : Ignoring someone else’s words by looking away, jumping on another topic, or addressing someone else.
Not expressing gratitude: No thanks, no gratitude but passing on the agenda of others’ achievements
Punishing the messenger: Need to attack innocents who usually try to help us.
Shifting responsibility: Claiming that everyone is guilty but not ourselves.
Excessive need to be “me”: To expose our faults as virtues just because we are who we are.

Check the destructive behavior around you

Do you see that those around you have these behaviors? And you? Do you happen to be?

Several of my clients have decided to send this list as an anonymous survey (e.g. via google docs or in print) to their employees asking:

Rate me on a scale of 1-5 or 0-3 if the given behavior 0-does not occur, 1-sometimes it happens, but it is not a bigger problem, 2- it happens and sometimes it is problematic, 3- it happens frequently and is a serious problem.

I encourage you to assess yourself on such a simple scale as well as ask your family and / or colleagues. It is not easy, because it is strictly a verification of your potential flaws, but it is worth it! 🙂