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Having worked for over 14 years as an advisor, mentor and entrepreneur, I can say unequivocally that lack of self-confidence is a lack of everything .
I will not count how many times throughout my career I have helped people at various levels of their careers to build greater self-confidence so that they could fight for promotion, increase respect and respect, convince them to their own (great) ideas for the functioning of the company, gain key clients or sign important contracts.
Why was a lack of self-confidence holding them back?
It’s simple. When you are not self-confident, you feel anxious, you do not have enough courage, you are afraid of what they will say and how others will react. You can’t make a decision here and now, when you have to do it to get a client, for example.
You will think what if I’m confident?
One day you may wake up with your hand in the potty. Literally.
Regardless of whether you are a confident person or you lack this confidence – read this article to the end.
I can assure you that in both cases it will be of value to you.
Also for your friends. Therefore, I would be very grateful for sharing this article on your social media, of course if you feel the article deserves a recommendation.
I guarantee that you will lose your confidence soon
For years I have been telling you during 1v1 performances, trainings or counseling that we need to update and strengthen our self-confidence, self-esteem and self-esteem every 3-5-10 years. Why? Because every 3-5-10 years, new important stages appear in our lives: child birth, job change, promotion, bigger business projects.
During these changes our confidence , which was at a good level , is put to the test . What we were sure so far is starting to fade away or change.
Not having a child, but being with a partner, we felt confident – we felt that we were doing well, we are a good husband, wife, life was in order.
The challenges related to the toddler cause dilemmas in at least 60%: am I doing it well, am I a good parent, am I a good partner or partner when I spend time with my child, or am I not neglecting something? The more doubts, the less certainty.
When we change jobs or get promoted, it can be a source of boost and reinforcement. But at least half of my clients 2-4 months after a change of job or a promotion, there are doubts: Am I good enough? Will I embrace this greater responsibility? Will I manage?
If we fail to answer the questions, our confidence will decline.
Importantly, it is not about pride, excessive pride, constant self-promotion. A quiet, withdrawn, humble, non-talkative person can be very well received, can have a great image, can be adored by people.
Such a person will say 1-2 sentences every hour, but when he does, he steps up. So when we talk about certainty, we are talking about healthy certainty, about a situation where a person feels calm, embedded, centered, courageous.
4 areas of self-confidence
While researching this topic since the beginning of my career in 2006, I noticed that self-confidence can be built in 4 areas:
- inner, mental
- communication
- decision
- strategic
It turns out that nothing is flat and one-dimensional. A human being is a complex structure, as is a relationship with another person, running a business, etc. Everything has layers and dimensions. Without a glance, we will not be very effective more broadly.
We can be sure of the company’s strategy, but we can have many concerns about ourselves and our competences.
Many decision makers have cheating syndrome a feeling that they have been promoted too quickly, that their competences are not as high as they are perceived.
Others can make decisions, but cannot tell about them at an internal company conference.
Self-confidence – internal dimension
Confidence is how we feel about ourselves. It results from a sense of self-esteem and self-esteem.
Self-esteem is a deep feeling that we are good, valuable people.
Self-assessment is strictly an assessment of your competences and strengths. The mind systematically evaluates us every day: today you were good / bad at xyz.
If we misjudge your speech at a conference, your self-esteem will be lower. But if our self-esteem is strong, our self-confidence will not be shaken. Or maybe just for a while, for a few minutes, hours.
But if we achieve results, we get a high mark from the company, but our self-esteem is disturbed, then our confidence drops.
When self-esteem and self-esteem are shaken, then unfortunately a slope leads to:
- Lack of motivation
- Burnout
- States around depressive
- Depression, or – as young people now say – to the state of “failure” or the feeling that you are worth nothing, that everything is going wrong.
Lack of inner confidence means that people do not ask for a raise, they do not press, they do not ask, they do not fight for the client, they will not say what they really think and give in to the reactions of others, do not deny pointless allegations.
They are afraid that they might be true, they don’t refuse, although they don’t really want to do something or consider it total stupidity, they don’t present their ideas because they are afraid of the opinions of others.
Self-confidence – communication dimension
Confidence in the area of communication is about issues
- image
- the art of conversation, discussion, negotiation and
- public speaking
- as well as the decisions we make and communicate in the company, team, client.
In this area, we may have a difficult time in our life, but if we can present ourselves properly, argue properly in a conversation, present ourselves on stage, or be able to make difficult decisions and communicate them, then then others will take us for sure!
Watchful observers will notice that we are not 100% ourselves, but that doesn’t have to affect cooperation.
We can be professionally effective, even if we are internally broken. It will never be as effective as if our interior is stable, but we are able to achieve success despite personal challenges.
Provided that we can find ourselves in a conversation, discussion, presentation. This can be learned.
A man is able to mobilize himself and show business confidence, despite life’s challenges.
But sometimes it happens that a person has a strong and healthy sense of self-confidence, of their competences, but is unable to present themselves to others.
There is no confidence when it comes to discussing a project, no confidence in the voice. He will do great in a conversation with a close, trusted employee, but it will be difficult for him before the group.
If there is a lack of confidence in communication, our image in the eyes of others will be weak. This causes people to trust us less and respect us less. We have no credibility. They don’t respect us.
And it makes us less effective in conversations and arrangements. Other people begin to influence us, our project. We are sidelined.
Importantly, it’s not about elbows. Showmainhood. Scream.
It’s about building credibility and respect. And this starts with a sense of self-respect, self-confidence. Therefore, self-confidence is everything.
Some people remember that I recently published two free educational series about the art of retort and the art of negotiation. There I provide essential tips on how to deal with difficult situations, not to be dominated, and how to conduct difficult conversations. However, even if we know the basics of retorting and negotiating, we won’t get far without self-confidence .
In order to use skills and knowledge, we need to feel confident beforehand. Without it, even if we are competent, we will not speak up, we will not say a sentence.
We will be concerned: what will they say, how will they judge me, how will I fall out.
All doubts arise from a lack of self-confidence.
Confidence is therefore everything.
Self-confidence – decision dimension
Sometimes the inner confidence is high and so is the ability to communicate, but the problem is in the decision.
A given manager, leader, entrepreneur is not sure what decision to make and / or how to present it in the company.
The leader’s job is to make decisions and take responsibility. But the question is, what is the source of decision certainty? How is he to know that he is going in the right direction? It is extremely important that he can quickly develop a sense of confidence in his decision.
I encourage you to look back and answer the question:
How do I know what decision to make? I analyze, can I feel? How can I be confident in making decisions?
Everyone should know their strategy, their approach. There are universal mechanisms that are worth knowing, but the key is to know yourself better.
Looking at myself and many of my clients, I notice that the confidence to make a decision can come from:
- in-depth document analysis
- essential data arrangement on a piece of paper
- analysis of the pros and cons, threats, opportunities
- market analysis
- discussions with the team
- consultancy by an external consultant
- endorsement of an accomplice
- trust in life or God (people entrust their lives and decisions to a higher power)
- confidence in intuition, feelings
- time – the longer thoughts are arranged, the clearer the mind is
- meditation, contemplation
How do you make decisions? How can you be sure?
Be sure to let me know in the comments!
If you do not know this, the consequence is too slow decision-making or no decision or lack of support from others (employees, boss, partners), not breaking through with your ideas.
It influences the feeling that we are not doing well, that we are standing still, it creates chaos in the head and, as a result, it affects the insecurity within us.
Confidence is therefore everything.
Self-confidence – strategic dimension
The last area of certainty is strategy. It concerns leaders and entrepreneurs who are responsible for action strategies, plans, goals, visions.
We can be confident, we can be confident in communication, but we may not be sure of strategies and plans.
This is more than one decision. These are many decisions that are interrelated and affect many months or years.
This is the highest level of confidence.
Statistically, few people are ready for this. But those who are ready earn the most are the most respected. Not only do you need to develop strategic thinking, you need to see more, more broadly, but also develop confidence, which is like a pillar that keeps us vertical.
The number of goals, decisions and visions can be overwhelming. Physically, people feel overwhelmed by an excess of responsibility. Only self-confidence, decision-making and the confidence of the strategy allows you not to collapse underground .
You have to be mentally strong, but you also need to know how to work on your strategy to be sure of it.
Confidence is therefore everything.
In conclusion
Being aware of where self-confidence comes from, and what types of self-confidence are.
Admittedly, some are lucky that they almost always go by storm. They don’t think, they work like a “cutter”.
However, over 60% of people have trouble with one of the areas of certainty: internal, communicative, decision-making or strategic.
Even if everything went smoothly over the years, there comes a moment or period where we are beaten by life and challenges and surprised by the fact that we no longer feel as confident as we used to. It needs to be rebuilt.
If you can do it yourself, congratulations! This is an important competence!
Thank you for reading this article to the end. Be sure to share your thoughts in the comment.
And if you find this article valuable , please share it on your social media profile and help me reach even more people who may have confidence issues.
