0
0
Then let’s get started.
The most important and deepest human need (after he feels that life is not in danger) is feeling his worth.
It is crucial for our psyche to feel that we are not nobody, that we are someone. Most conflicts, quarrels and fears stem from low self-esteem. If we are not appreciated enough – it hurts. If a parent gives too little attention to a child, the child feels rejected, and this will create the feeling of “I am inferior, what is wrong with me?” If someone else gets a promotion, we feel that someone is better than us, and we are hopeless.
Unless we have a stable sense of worth. Then it does not hurt, there are no negative thoughts and we do not feel inferior. Because we feel ourselves. We know we are worthy. We respect each other. We experience the feeling of being valuable.
Why? On the one hand, the answer is: BO YES! Because we have the right to be valuable. Because we are people who have the right to life, freedom and feeling good. Life is a value. We are valuable because yes! Regardless of skin color, education, whether we are LGBTIQ or not, whether we are for PIS or for PO.
But most of us don’t get it. Just as many people have not experienced unconditional love, so many people do not experience unconditional self-esteem.
Therefore, the second source is an external, conditional source: I am someone when I win, when I have more, when I earn better, when I have a better watch, when I have a better grade, when I receive praise. And while that is nice, there is a huge danger in it: dependence on external factors. They condition us. It’s okay to receive praise and be happy about it, or to win and raise your hands up. However, if that is what defines us, it only takes a few moments and it will all be taken from us. And then…
What will happen? What will happen to us?
Or we fall and the so-called The Dark Four (ie Stress, Burnout, Malaise, Depression) will plunge us, or we must somehow regain our sense of value.
Either they will be humanitarian, wise or … the fastest methods.
Hejt is a quick way to express yourself.
It can be said that the greater the hate, the lower the level of self-esteem in a given country, group or person. When we attack someone and prove that someone is dumber, then we feel better. When we show that he is an idiot, that he votes for …, it will prove that we vote for a good party, and if we vote for a good party, it means that we are right, and if we are right, we are wiser. Ha! Sic!
And so the whole world is spinning.
Enormous pain and problem arise when we realize that these mechanisms also work among children. Children can be very brutal towards their peers. Because your mom has a weird nose! Hahahaha. And yours work as … and mine as …! Hahahaha. And you don’t know how to flip! Hahaha… Look, this one has torn pants, my parents probably can’t afford it! Hahahah…
Where is this coming from? How can we prevent this?
The more aggression at home, the more stress at home, the more the child takes over and has to discharge it somewhere. This is one of the painful causes. Another is self-esteem. The worse the parents take care of their children’s self-esteem, the more after the age of 5-6, the child’s mind begins to look for ways to feel better about itself. If it fails, the child either begins to withdraw from contacts, learning – the life energy slowly (and sometimes quickly) dies out, or the mind finds another method: attack. Physical or mental. Formerly, physical forms were more common. In recent years, mental methods have become popular.
Referring to the column from a week ago, it can be said that SMIT (social media, internet, technology) helped in this, and what really contributed to it was our competence shortages in managing SMIT. But the fact is that in the SMIT world it’s hard to fight fists, so words are the main tool. This is a great training ground that makes it easy to hate offline later as well.
The weaker, inferior or smaller we feel, the more we hide or attack. The more children feel weaker, worse, smaller, the more they hide or attack.
You can say: Don’t say that! It’s ugly. Don’t write like that on the internet. Why did you say so badly to your friend?
You can warn against anonymity on the Internet, teach how to react to criticism in posts.
But until we learn to build self-esteem, hate will grow stronger.
We used to compare ourselves only to our classmates and possibly to Krzys from Winnie the Pooh or “Pan Tadeusz”. Today we can follow artificial, pimped out people on Instagram from all over the world. And this is a different league and a different scale.
Nobody prepared us for this scale.
I don’t really owe the child. He’s not guilty of SMIT.
He’s not even guilty of the parent.
The invisible hand of the education market is to blame.
The less we know about ourselves, the worse our civilization progresses.
Such a thought. As part of the # 3 Dębowski Column #fd #takamysl
What’s your thought? What do you agree with? What do you disagree with?
How do you build your self-esteem? How do you deal with hate?
PS
This is my third column in the “Such a thought” series. How do you like it?
